Buddy Breathing

Among the maxims of basic scuba training is “Never dive alone”. Wise divers go with a “buddy” to both share the fun and to be able to help each other in case of emergencies like equipment failure. Every diver typically carries more than one mouth piece but in a pinch, divers can share a mouth piece off the same tank while making an emergency ascent. It’s up to each buddy to watch the other and to intervene if needed. If wide eyes and flailing arms aren't enough notice, a dive knife beating on a metal tank will quickly bring a good buddy near with air and support.

Unlike distressed divers we are not so good at letting others see our need for help. It is worth saying again to those starting to flail and at risk of drowning, you are not alone. Please find your trusted buddies and make some noise…ask for help.

On the other hand, bearing each other’s burdens is a burden. Authentic relationships leading to life-giving community take work and sacrifice. It hurts to love hurting people. How can we put our holiday smiles on and ignore this? From Adam’s shame to the final martyr’s last ragged gasp we are a people bound for pain until the King returns. But at the crux of time, God entered and embraced human pain by way of a crying, needy baby, and He left by way of humiliation and agony. With a new definition of love, He left the Church behind to lay down her own life and continue the friendly, sacrificial work of binding, healing, and building up.

So like a good dive buddy, stay close and watch. Cultivate an atmosphere of safety for hurting people. Stay close when there are tears, unpredictable emotions, and raw grief or pain.  Listen hard, remain flexible, and withhold judgment, but stand ready with sturdy truth wrapped in a warm blanket of love. Allow the quiet when there’s no need for words. Ask and do not assume. Good buddies don’t wait when they see distress. They are there with life and comfort, a steady and sure supply they receive themselves from the God of all comfort. They are there with arms ready to bear another slowly upward until breath comes easily again in the open, clear air.

Keep breathing

None of us are whole creatures, but some among us are truly walking wounded. Among other challenges, you may be facing the holidays with grief, depression or anxiety, disability or illness, major life changes, loneliness, unemployment, financial struggles, marital strife, or problems with children. For you, the usual holiday stressors like family visits, elaborate meals, gift exchanges, and even well-worn traditions or home-decorating can become emotional minefields, fraught with potential for overwhelming fear, sadness, or anger. Like the holidays themselves, some sources of stress are unavoidable, but you may have more room than you think to maneuver and face them while avoiding others entirely.

Here are some suggestions and thoughts…no prescriptions.

Decide to be patient with yourself, realistic about your limitations, and accepting of your emotions however they come. Embrace sadness and joy, beauty and pain. There will be ample helpings of each.

You usually have choices. Accept, reject, adapt. Few things (if anything) “must” be done. What was done last year can be changed this year, and changed again next year depending on how it goes. Feel free to be flexible and change your mind on the fly as needed.

Decide what is most important and then plan around that. Think through what you can ahead of time like gift lists, menus, grocery lists, which events to attend or avoid, and which people to seek out or avoid.

Consider less stressful ways to do things like shopping on line or from catalogs, ordering take out or planning for potluck, limiting decorating, and saying “Not this year, but thanks” to event invites that you know would be too much. Ask for help from those you know will support you. Ask for more if you start to drown.

Take care of yourself. Beware the temptation to overindulge as a reaction to stress or emotions. Enjoy the meal or beverage slowly (and dessert too!) but stop when you’re done. Have a walk afterwards. Take every opportunity to relax in the ways you enjoy and get your sleep.

Finally, consider new ways to make the season meaningful. Notice the simple and sacred. Light a candle. Plant a seed. Lift a glass. Give and serve. Worship with and without words. Keep breathing.

The Holidays are here….breathe

A lady in my office regularly emails with the days, hours, and minutes to go until Christmas. I love this lady and Christmas, but I delete her emails unread. I do not dread the holiday season yet I do not live in unending anticipation of its coming.

Heedless of my feelings though, like a force of nature it comes. For me like most, the season’s approach brings a degree of apprehension, usually concerning gift-giving. What to buy for whom? How much to spend? How will I be judged by my gift choices? Our culture unhelpfully adds hyper-indulgence and desperate nostalgia, like Jersey Shore trying to squeeze into a Norman Rockwell painting. With the pressure building, we overload the season with impossible expectations, both our own and other’s. Caught up in the whirlwind, we seek refuge in a far too narrow definition of “holiday-success” which threatens to demand total exhaustion of body, heart, and mind.

SELAH

Let us pause and consider whom and what is most important, and what is not.  Let us identify and plan around whom or what is toxic and stressful, and let us cling to what is good, and peace-, and love-, and life-giving. Let us treat ourselves and each other with gentleness and understanding. Let us ask before we assume. Let us feel free to laugh and to cry, and let us allow each other the same freedom. Church, none of us are whole creatures. Let us notice the wounds. Let us offer and receive Love with open eyes, hands, and hearts.

My Provider

After 2 days at Gaston Hospice, I have been offered a full-time position. Praise the Lord! He knows our needs and provides so well. I am very encouraged so far that the folks at Hospice are compassionate professionals who love what they do. I think it's going to be a really special time.

and Speaking of Kids...

We are thrilled to announce that we are about 6 (ish?) weeks pregnant (see photo--the little bugger is in the small circle in the NE corner of the black blob). It was all I could do to not run screaming around my new office today when she called me. WOOOHOOOO!!! I am obviously and absolutely and entirely excited about this. Our Father knows and has been so faithful to us. We know the child is and is always in His mighty and capable hands...even regardless of what happens from here....we know He will always be good and sovereign. I celebrated this and the many other milestone changes of the last month with a new (and first) piercing in my left ear lobe this afternoon. Looks kind of like the picture--made of niobium and is more of a dusky bluish gray. Hurt pretty good. Thank you Ink Link of Gastonia! That's all for now. Thanks to all who have been praying and encouraging us.
dk

New chapter

We've been home for 2 weeks now. In that time, we've done simple things like get our budget back in shape, switch to cable internet, get a new cell plan, visit friends, etc. The hard part has been working out the "take homes", know what I mean? What did it all mean for us? How have we come home changed? How has our thinking been changed with respect to life and God and Church and Purpose? Needless to say, but this is of course an ongoing process. One thing I know, though, is that I am always to be "on mission". I believe my life here is purposeful, that I have been put here and kept here and rescued for a purpose, for life. This has made a real difference in my thinking, my routine, my days. When I talk to people, I know that every interaction is purposeful. I don't believe in accidents or coincidence. While I am not in control of every aspect or outcome, I am simply here to trust and obey, to walk behind and serve in the steps of Jesus. Living in Sol Duc for 2 months stripped away a lot of the non-essentials. Left behind was a growing hunger for more and more of life as God Himself understands it. The Bible calls this zoe. The abundant life from John 10:10. This is no prosperity theology, but far more deep, far more lasting, and far more satisfying. He has just recently shown us His faithfulness, for which we are so grateful. I have accepted a job with Gaston Hospice as a social worker (starting Monday). I took the job expecting it to be part-time/as-needed for a while until a full-time position came available. But yesterday, while getting a pre-employment medical screen, the boss called to say that a FT position is coming open immediately so I'll be putting in for a transfer on my first day! Amazing! Also, we received our final paychecks from Aramark on the same day I got the new job. And all this on a day when we were looking at our budget and praising God, not because there was an obvious abundance (there wasn't), but because we knew that He is a Provider and He never fails His kids.

New pics up!

Have got the rest of our trip pictures (selected) up on the photo page. Some of them are out of order for some reason. Working on titles and descriptions and think I will try to tell the narrative of our trip home that way rather than doing that and redundantly posting it here as well. I plan to keep both pages going though with whatever strikes us as something we'd like to share. Of course jobs and future thoughts rest heavily on us now but we are confident in our Lord to provide and to lead. Thanks again for following us virtually on our adventure.
much love
dk